Oh, She's Good.

I was sitting at the computer five minutes ago checking email when the Bean came up to me an wrapped her little arms around one of mine. She nestled her head against my arm and said, "I love you, Mommy.  You're my best friend."

While I was melting into a puddle of goo and basking in the sweetness, she then added, "Can I watch TV?"

-m

Surrendering the Crown

Although two days ago my yard was covered in several inches of snow, today's 70 degree temperatures were absolutely lovely.  I made "picnic lunch by the lake" cut in line before all the errands that had to be run today.  The Bean and I found a sunny patch of grass and stared at the ducks on the lake while eating.  She was casually leaning on my lap and in that moment in time, all was absolutely perfect.

That's about when I realized that I'd created a monster.

The Bean began to dip her PB&J sandwich into ranch dressing.  Oh my.  Now, to be fair, I instilled in her the love of ranch dressing.  Good ranch dressing is the perfect pair for a great many things.  Salads, yes, but also french fries, pizza, tortilla chips, assorted veggies and pretzels.  I brought it along to enhance our carrot sticks and broccoli.  The Bean told me I should dip my pretzel sticks and I eagerly obliged, because yes, that was delicious.  But I draw the line at mixing peanut butter and/or jelly with ranch.

She might outrank me in the Ranch Dressing Lover department.  Well played, wee one.

-m

Dollar Store Adventures

I would just like to inform the lady "in front of me" in line at Dollar Tree that:

- If you are in the general vicinity of the cash registers, it doesn't actually make it clear that you are in fact, in line.

- Browsing the sunglasses rack while in the general vicinity of the cash registers actually makes it look like you are more "still shopping" and less "ready to checkout, therefore standing in line."

So that's why I was standing awkwardly there, trying to figure out just how to get in line behind the person who was putting their 127 individual dollar items on the conveyor.  It's also why I was a little confused/annoyed when our conversation consisted of,

You: "Um, are you with her?" (pointing to person obviously mentioned)

Me: "Uh...no." (furrowed brow)  "Are you in line?"

You: "Um, yes!" (turning to check to make sure you'd seen ALL of the sunglasses choices)

It took a lot for me to not jab you with my $1 pool noodle.

-m

Love Letter/Not-So-Much Letter

Dear Husband,

Thank you for kissing me goodbye every morning.  It may not seem like I notice, but it usually rouses me into enough consciousness to smell your cologne.  It makes me happy.  I love you.

-m


Dear AT&T,

I did not appreciate being woken up by your automated customer satisfaction survey this morning.  Yes, I was pleased with the service I received yesterday but here's a little hint: asking my opinion by interrupting my sleep isn't going to get the most favorable/accurate answers.

-m


Dear Telephone,

Where the hell is the volume control for the answering machine?

-m

A Helpful List for Drivers on Central Expressway

Do use the fastlane for:

-passing on the left
-faster driving (hence "fast"lane)
-going with the speed of traffic


Do not use the fastlane for:

-applying make-up
-shaving
-reading
-enjoying your breakfast
-butt crunches
-texting your friends about The Bachelor
-phoning your friends to tell them you texted them about the Bachelor
-daydreaming about how you are the best match for The Bachelor - if only he knew the real you!
-going under the speed limit
-generally behaving like a giant DeutscheBank
-angering me by doing any of the above

Love,

Klem