Lunch Drama

(featuring a Lunchables pizza kit)

"Do you want some pizza for lunch?"

"YAAAAYYY!"

"Okay, sit down.  Let me open it for you."

"I can do it, I can do it, I can do it by myself."

"Here, let me show you how to make a pizza."

"NOOOOOOO!  Don't touch it!  Don't touch the pieces!"

"Well honey, this is how you make a pizza.  You get to build it.  Check it out, see?  You put the bread part down here."

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"And then you squeeze on some sauce."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  NOOOOOOOO!  What are you doing?  Put it there (back in the box)!  Put it there!"

"Here, why don't you try to squeeze it.  Just a little.  There you go!  Just a little, just a litt- or not.  Here, let's put some of that sauce on the other pieces."

"NOOOOOOOO!  What are you doing???"

"See?  Okay, I'm going to crumble the cheese so you can sprinkle it on your pizzas."

"WHAT?  NOOOO!  Don't touch it!  Leave it there!  I want to eat it!  I DON'T WANT CHEESE  ON THE PIZZA!!!!!"

"Look at this picture on the box.  See?  It's a pizza.  First, you put the sauce on, then you put cheese and pepperoni.  Let me make one to show you. You like pizza.  You'll like this."

(Waving arms frantically in the air.) "NOOOOOOOO!   NOOOOOOOOO!  You ruined all of them!  Mommy, you made a MESS!"

"No babe, I made a pizza."

-m

Rollback Riot

You know you're a frequent Walmart customer when...

After grabbing the receipt at the self-checkout station in Walmart this afternoon, my Bean stood up in the shopping cart and gave me a hug.  Then she looked up at me with huge hazel eyes and said,

"Thanks for shopping at Walmart, Mommy!"

Do the blue employee vests come in size 3T?

-m

Things I Learned Today.

1. My dog can pull wipes out of their container one at a time.

2. One of my cats likes raw hamburger meat.  It doesn't like him back.

3. Hand sanitizer works like magic to get ball point pen ink off of an LCD monitor screen.

-m

Motherhood Is...

...scrubbing the carpet on your hands and knees cleaning up fresh puke while your child (who is just fine now, thankyouverymuch) is running and dancing all around you.  In the nude.

...finding the cat to clean aforementioned substance from his fur.

...enjoying a beer ("Schlitzing it up", as the husband recently called it) at the close of an eventful evening.

So Suck It.

My baby is officially five weeks old now, but I started writing about this experience a few weeks ago and it still makes me laugh...

Today my son is two weeks old, which means that for two weeks I've been in mommy bliss.  Really.  This kid is spoiling me with his laid back personality.  It also means that since I haven't been able to drive for two weeks that I've had a touch of cabin fever.  I probably agreed a little to jubilantly when the husband suggested a quick trip to Home Depot after dinner tonight.

I have no problem taking my two-week old out in public.  I "wore" him with a wrap that one of my friends made for me, so he was riding (snoozing) happily right up against me.  People can't randomly touch him when he's all wrapped up on me.  (At least not while exhibiting socially acceptable behavior.)  Besides, it's perfect for random kisses on his little head, which happened approximately every twenty seconds.

In the checkout line, the woman behind us asked how old my baby was.  I answered and instead of the usual "awwww" that we'd been getting all evening, she said a quick, "hmm."  Then she pursed her lips and started down her nose at me.  And my family.  There was a lot of uncomfortable weight shifting until we finished at the register.

As we strolled out to the car, I told my husband, "I think I was just silently judged."  He replied, while glancing back, "Yes, yes you were."

Happy Day.

There are a lot of definitions for "mother."  Here is part of dictionary.com's listing:

moth·er   [muhth-er] 

–noun

1. a female parent.
2. (often initial capital letter) one's female parent.
3. a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother
4. a tern of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.
5. a term of familiar address for an old or elderly woman.
6. mother superior
7. a woman exercising control, influence, or authority like that of a mother.
8. the qualities characteristic of a mother, as maternal affection.
9. something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else; origin or source.


I like numbers eight and nine best.  To everyone with the heart of a mom, Happy Mother's Day.

-m

Oh, She's Good.

I was sitting at the computer five minutes ago checking email when the Bean came up to me an wrapped her little arms around one of mine. She nestled her head against my arm and said, "I love you, Mommy.  You're my best friend."

While I was melting into a puddle of goo and basking in the sweetness, she then added, "Can I watch TV?"

-m